


Consequences, Altered Faces

by Flirteenth Doctor (HyperPluviophile)



Category: Ashes to Ashes (UK TV)
Genre: Addressing the aftermath of operation rose because the show never really does, Angst, Gen, Guilt, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Season/Series 02, Trauma, everyone is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28195962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyperPluviophile/pseuds/Flirteenth%20Doctor
Summary: It’s not that Gene doesn’t care. It’s simply that he doesn’t know how to.(Also known as, Gene and Alex face the consequences of Operation Rose. Specifically, what it's done to those they left behind)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 6





	Consequences, Altered Faces

**Author's Note:**

  * For [youstupidplonk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youstupidplonk/gifts).
  * Inspired by [This is my Kingdom Come](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26863342) by [youstupidplonk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youstupidplonk/pseuds/youstupidplonk). 



> I can't believe it took these five idiots getting dragged through hell and back to cure my writers block. (Title is from The Tunnel of Love by Fun Boy Three)

In all the months Alex has spent here in the ‘80s, she’s never known Luigi’s to be this quiet. 

True enough, there’s been sombre nights, subdued nights. Evenings where the members of CID had seethed at one another, blame over some mishap or another hissed under breaths and across tables. There's even been outright violence on a few occasions. But that's only natural- they’re something of a family after all. However, never has Alex witnessed such a true and complete silence as the one currently hanging over them all. 

No. Tonight, in the place of laughter and banter and cheerful drunken ramblings there instead hangs something else in the air. A sourness. An unspoken accusation that lingers so thickly it’s almost tangible. 

_How could you leave us? ___

__It only makes sense. Now the festivities of their victory have worn off there’s nothing left to fill the void. Saving Dorothy had only really been a front, a temporary hit, from which they could all take some relieved satisfaction and pretend their triumph didn’t ring hollow in the face of the last three months. The little party they’d had in the office had been like sticking a children’s plaster over a weeping sore._ _

__Because, contrary to what Alex had initially feared, this world hadn’t ended, in her absence. No. It had kept on its terrible way. Although not a religious woman she’d prayed, in the moments after she’d been shot, that it would. That Shaz and Chris and Ray and Gene and Viv and Luigi and all the others would be able to continue on without her. Existing somewhere beyond her psyche, laughing and loving and maturing, able to keep their lives for themselves._ _

__Now, faced with the consequences of the aftermath of operation rose for the first time, it’s easy to wish it hadn’t._ _

__The change in atmosphere isn’t lost on Gene either. Downing a hearty mouthful of scotch he looks his once-proud team up and down. “Jesus you lot” He gruffs “I know I’ve been gone a while but I remember things being a little more cheery than this. Three months without us and this place becomes a bloody requiem mass”_ _

__If the mood in the room weren’t already icy, this remark sends the temperature plummeting. All pairs of eyes drift to the Guv, some more obviously resentful than others, but all caught in a state of wounded shock._ _

__If Gene notices he gives no outward indication. He just calls Luigi over to ask for a whiskey. Perhaps he genuinely hasn’t realised. Alex feels her heart tighten, _maybe he simply doesn’t care.__ _

____She scans the solemn line of faces, having for the first time today the chance to evaluate them unhindered by distractions. Closest to her there’s Chris, perched precariously between tipsy and well and truly drunk. Back in the office, Alex had noticed the surprising gusto with which he’d attacked the champagne, and now, after several glasses of whiskey, he’s barely keeping his drooping head above the table. Much good the alcohol has done him; if anything it’s only exacerbating the air of subdued melancholy he’s had all day._ _ _ _

____From her first conversation with him, Alex had noticed something different about the man. A newfound maturity perhaps, but a weighted one. Burdened by something, perhaps a lingering sense of guilt over his involvement in operation rose, or the breakdown of his relationship with Shaz. In light of everything that’s happened, the wages blag that’d set everything into motion feels like a lifetime away. But for Chris, who’d lost his credibility, his mentor and his fiancé all in one fell swoop, it’s likely not so easily forgotten._ _ _ _

____Pained by the thought of him being troubled in such a way, Alex makes a mental note to speak to him properly later. When he’s less intoxicated perhaps._ _ _ _

____If there’s anyone she’d expect to bounce back it’d be Chris. Naturally chipper and easy-going as he is. But looking at his company… Alex can’t quite be sure._ _ _ _

____If the change in Chris is unsettling then Shaz’s new demeanour is downright upsetting._ _ _ _

____Shaz, who, when Gene had offered to buy her a drink, had narrowed her eyes and rejected him with such an uncharacteristic venom even he had been momentarily taken aback. It’s something Alex had seen hints of throughout the day, but never properly had the time to process until now. Where Shaz had always been fiery in a spirited, youthful way, there’s now nothing but an unfamiliar frosted bitterness. The passionate anger Alex had so admired has been extinguished, replaced by a startlingly cold cynicism that’d be more fitting on someone twice her age._ _ _ _

____It hurts, remembering how wide-eyed she’d been when Alex had first arrived. How bright and naïve, with so much faith and enthusiasm, and a real drive to make a difference. With the memory in mind, the woman now sat across from Alex, with her arms folded sullenly and gaze unforgiving, feels almost like a stranger._ _ _ _

____Finally, there’s Ray. Perhaps the least obviously changed but in a continuation of the trend set by Chris, far more mature and subdued in his demeanour. Alex has heard in snippets from Viv, Terry and Bammo how in an uncharacteristic display of careful valour he’d picked up the mantle from the Guv. Stepped into the role he’d always wanted but never expected to have, and thus taken care of his team as if it was his Christ-given duty. Infamously self-centred and scummy, Ray Carling had accepted his position with quiet dignity, and Alex can believe it. In fact, she doesn’t need to believe it. The proof has been in front of her all day. Even his botched sting is indicative of the change he’s undergone because he’d clearly regretted the mess with every fibre of his being. It’s clear, the Ray Carling in front of Alex is a far cry from the one she’d left behind. And it somehow feels completely wrong._ _ _ _

____Contemplating the trio as a whole, it hits Alex just how heavy the weight of her absence had been. Her and Gene might have only been gone three months, but to those they left behind it may as well have been a lifetime. A lifetime of fear and grief and uncertainty that has rocked them all to their foundations. If she were more optimistic she’d say they’ve grown up... But that isn’t what’s happened. Growing up isn’t trauma or betrayal or loss. It’s not the sudden death of a blossoming young romance, or bitterness seeping in before its time. No, the three have been forcibly pulled forwards. Each yanked violently from the familiar and the secure into a totally alien world, where they’ve been forced to adapt at a lightning pace._ _ _ _

____It’ll have saved their lives, in the short term. Those shields of solemnity and anger._ _ _ _

____But in the long run…_ _ _ _

____Alex jumps, shaken out of her musings by Luigi placing a generous glass of wine down in front of her. Perhaps it’s not so hopeless, she wonders. There’s pain, but there’s been laughter too. They’d reunited with a good enough humour after all. Maybe it’s just exhaustion, exacerbating the changes in her companions beyond what they truly are. Maybe the situation only looks, as situations often do, dire in the light of a long stressful day that desperately needs to come to an end. Maybe by morning the world will feel to rights again._ _ _ _

____Speaking of exhaustion, it’s not too long after her drink arrives that the trio decides to take their leave. It’s understandable, by Viv’s account none of them have been to bed since Dorothy was kidnapped, nearly forty-five hours ago._ _ _ _

____Shaz spares her a small smile as she walks out. “Night ma’am”_ _ _ _

____The younger woman’s disdain for the Guv is apparent, but it’s only now Alex begins to wonder if a small part of Shaz resents her too. Not necessarily consciously or deliberately, but for leaving. For abandoning the three of them, and for taking so long to return._ _ _ _

____Gene watches the trio depart silently. Waiting until they’ve retreated fully up the stairs to the street before scoffing. “What on earth’s the matter with them? We saved little Dorothy, didn’t we? They should be doing bloody cartwheels”_ _ _ _

____In her mouth, Alex’s wine turns sour. She swallows, frowning at him. “I’ve no idea. Could it be something to do with the fact that they watched you shoot me, then spent the next three months waiting for me to die a slow painful hospital death, all the while believing you were never coming back, only for us to appear out of the blue this morning and pick up right where we left off as though nothing happened?”_ _ _ _

____“Oh boo hoo.” Gene mocks “It’s been a shit time of it all round. Not like I’ve been off on a pleasure cruise round the med you know”_ _ _ _

____Even before she can reply Alex feels her irritation draining away. After everything they’ve been through today, she’s too exhausted to have this conversation with him. More so, deep down she really doesn’t want to fight with him. Not after how long they’ve spent apart. It’s the one bit of consistency from this era she’d much rather not see make a return. At least not now._ _ _ _

____She takes another sip of wine. “I didn’t say that”_ _ _ _

____Gene doesn’t reply. Strange, when he always seems to have something (however inappropriate) to say. Concerned, Alex looks back up at him, just in time to catch the façade fall. In the moments before his whiskey glass meets his lips, all the hurt and confusion and pain she’d seen mirrored in Ray, Chris and Shaz is written plain as day on his face._ _ _ _

____It’s only solidified when he lowers both his glass and his gaze with a muttered “No. You’re right Bolly. You always bloody are. I let them down” He pauses, voice so soft it’s barely audible “And I let you down”_ _ _ _

____And that’s when Alex understands. It’s not that he doesn’t care, how could she ever think that? It’s simply that he doesn’t know how to._ _ _ _

____In shooting her he’d set in motion a trail of consequences he couldn’t even stop to watch, and now here he stands in the aftermath. Unable to ignore the annihilation left in his wake any longer. A king returning to his kingdom, only to find it in absolute tatters. The unspeakable hurt he’d caused Alex would’ve been bad enough on its own, but it’s made all the worse by the lives he’s inadvertently torn apart in the process._ _ _ _

____And like the abrasive, invulnerable man that he is, he doesn’t know how to handle it. He can’t face up to the guilt and pain. So he’s drinking and raging like a bull in a china shop because that’s all he knows how to do._ _ _ _

____Alex traces the lines of regret on his face. It doesn’t make things right. Not by a long shot. But framed in this light it’s hard not to sympathise. All any of them are doing is what they can to protect themselves from further damage._ _ _ _

____Besides, it’s not as if she herself is any less of a disaster. The empty bottles of wine that she tries not to think about show she is just as adept, if not more so, at running away from her emotions. Had the gun been in her hands, had it been Gene the one unconscious on the floor, it’s doubtful she’d be reacting any better than he currently is now._ _ _ _

____Lost in thought, Alex drains the rest of her glass. No wonder they’ve returned to such a mess. With herself and Gene at the helm, a crash of this magnitude was perhaps always inevitable._ _ _ _

____She looks back at him. He can only meet her eyes for barely a second before he has to turn away, gazing instead into the bottom of his now empty whiskey glass. She thinks of Ray walking home alone. Of Shaz and Chris in separate apartments, when they should be going to bed as husband and wife. She watches Gene, once again tracing the lines in his face as she wonders._ _ _ _

_____Can they ever be whole again? ____ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading xx And thanks youstupidplonk for being a pain in the arse and making me write this (I'm joking, you've been great)


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